YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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