Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
