Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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