I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
