why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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