You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
