the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
