that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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