i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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