A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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