In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
