I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
