All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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