Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
