i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize