Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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