you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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