your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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