your thong is hanging out like whoa
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
