I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She told me I should be a condom model.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
