i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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