the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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