hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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