Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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