the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
