what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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