just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
