is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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