So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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