ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
