she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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