I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
