Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
that may or may not have been my penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
