i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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