So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
should my penis look like a turkey
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
