I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
