You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My feet surprised me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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