Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
