at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
