So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
