Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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