I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
3pm strippers are depressing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
