im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
