I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
