I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
