but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
