Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
