One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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