I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize