I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
