went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
