Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
