My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
two words...techno handjob
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
