she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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