she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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