I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
