That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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