Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
