help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
