btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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