Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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