Me too!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
