hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
