I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
