Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize