BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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